First Week of University–A Summary

Yeah, I’ve had my first week, and it’s run me ragged, not because of the work load (even if I have to catch up with the reading because I’ve been too busy watching Gossip Girl today), but  because I was not fully enrolled until the second day. It just really annoyed me, because I hate having unfinished business.

And one hour in class just isn’t very good for socializing, you know? One of my goals this year is to meet more new people, and it’s sort of difficult for me, because, let’s face it, I’m shy. I’m the type of person who cannot start a decent conversation in real life. I have no problem with typing conversations, or long drawn out monologues, but I guess muses don’t work when it comes to spontaneous exchange without text. I did meet someone when I went to do my placement test for my Chinese course, but I haven’t seen him since.

Well, let’s make a correction to the above paragraph. I am getting to know some people in my classes. History is much too interesting for socializing during class. I love that class, even if  I do have to write a three thousand word essay for it. It shouldn’t daunt me. I’m the girl who can happily write seven thousand words of fanfiction a week. (Not quite, but I did reach that number this week, although it included a snarky reply to the person who sent me that second illiterate flame.) However, academic writing and creative writing are as different as men and women–interpret that any way you will. Then again, the head of History seemed to like my subtle sarcasm that I used for some essays last year. Perhaps I should try that again.

Yeah, I’m procrastinating right now. It’s easy to tell, isn’t it? Having nothing to say, I speak interminably, or rather, write interminably. That’s paraphrased from some guy writing about humanists during the Renaissance. The lecturer mentioned it during class the other day.

So, back to my week. It was dull, pretty much. I had some nice outfits, but considering this is not my fashion blog, I won’t mention them here. You might find some detailed descriptions on Style of Mine when I actually get around to posting there. I want to take photos of my outfits, but I really can’t be bothered posing or going off to get the camera. I’m so lazy, but you’ve probably realized that by now. I have a Chinese oral assignment. The topic is so boring that I am running out of things to say. Just what can you say when you’re greeting a total stranger at the airport? And no, I can’t be sarcastic and silly in my usual creative way, because this is Business Chinese, so it’s formal. Unless, of course, I make up a back story about the journalist and the businessmen she’s meeting. Not sure whether my partner will agree to that. Most people don’t get my sense of humour. I’m still not sure whether it’s my fault or theirs.

I did go shopping on Friday. It’s a highly unhealthy activity for the wallet. I bought scarves, a black, gloves, and my first ever pair of skinny jeans.  Seems like I’m all set for winter. Now, if only I can find some decent cold-weather day dresses…

Change of Plan

In Mid-December, I received a letter from my university saying that I had failed to get into the course I applied for (Bachelor of Speech and Language Therapy). Now, if you expect that I was disappointed, then you are right, to some degree. However, once I got over my initial disappointment, I was actually very relieved. I no longer had to sit and try and be devoted to something I was interested in, but had no passion for. My time was no longer monopolized by this degree, and moreover, I was free to do what I really wanted to do, which, as most of you know, is to make a living from my writing. Before, I yearned to do writing, and yet I felt that I needed to devote my time to Speech and Language Therapy training.

And you know what the best thing about it was? This great dilemma in my life was solved, not through my own volition, as it were, but seemingly through divine intervention. It was as if someone up there had said, “You silly girl. Why are you doing this degree? You know it won’t make you happy. Here, do this instead.” It seemed that life always had a way of straightening itself out. Now I’m actually very happy about failing to get into that course, and I realize that what seems like failure might actually be a success. I failed to achieve my goal, but now I’m about to realize my dreams.

I’m back.

Well, it’s been ages since I’ve last posted everything. I’ve been lost in a sea of academic confusion and obligations. However, the semester is over, and in a week or so, I’ll be getting ready for exams. So, all in all, not much time for writing, but I get by with about an hour every day.

I can’ believe the year has gone so quickly, actually. In the month or so which I’ve been missing (from this blog, at least), so much has happened. I discovered that I’m not as bad an essay writer as I’ve first thought, and my original work is taking shape. Of course, most of it has not been written, but at least I have an idea as to what I’m going to write about. There’s still a lot of research which needs doing. Apart from the Kingdom of Jerusalem (which is where I’m setting my story), I have to know something about what was happening in Europe during the second half of the twelfth century, and I also need to know what’s happening in the Byzantine empire. It’s a pity that most of the Byzantine records were destroyed by the Ottoman Turks. I suppose the ancients did like destroying things as much as they liked building them.

Sporking is still going on, but I’ve given up on Mockfiction; there’s a much better site, made by my friend. Mostly we just chat, and I haven’t done sporking for an age. Too busy, and then there’s writer’s block. I’ve just overcome one of the worst bouts I’ve ever had. I couldn’t even write fanfiction, and usually, that’s one of the easiest things for me to write. Luckily I still managed to produce some chapters, but the quality, I feel, is a bit dubious. Still, my readers seem to like them well enough, so I guess that’s all right.

It’s supposed to be spring in my country now. Late spring, to be exact. The wind’s still chilly, and one simply cannot enjoy a book outdoors because shivering is a rather distracting activity. Maybe a month from now, I’ll be able to do that. Thing is, I won’t need to study anything after November. I’m free for three months. Then again, maybe I’ll need to do a lot of studying for my novel.

Well, that was rather rambly. Mind you, I’ve been in a rather rambly mood for weeks. I think I’ll get on with another fanfic which I’m working on right now. I haven’t updated that one in weeks.

Academic subcultures = pure annoyance

I haven’t been updating this blog, and you might think I have abandoned it. I haven’t; it’s just that the workload of late has been rather problematic. Technically, it shouldn’t be a lot. I have two essays of two thousand words each, and a report of a thousand words. I can type an average of one thousand words per hour, and I do that every morning. The problem is the style. Officially, I hate academic subcultures and their specific writing styles. I hate them so much that I never wish to use them again. Why is it no possible to write something which is sensible, and at the same time, entertaining? I’m more Monty Python than Shakespeare, and even Shakespeare’s language is more colourful than the dry-as-firewood academic style which I’m being forced to use. I want to use slang, contractions, perhaps add a ’savvy’ every now and then. It’s all good fun, and I’m perfectly understandable. Why else would people online read my stuff? It’s not sophisticated at all; I find joy in writing about blowing up cathedrals in Rome. That is not high class literature. Indeed, some would say it isn’t literature at all; basically, it’s entertaining nonsense.

I have a week before the first of my essays and my psychological report are due in. I’m living day by day, not thinking about the future because I don’t want to consider the fact that I might not be able to produce my essay and report in time. I’m also lamenting the fact that I have to be stuck indoors writing boring stuff when I can be outside, just watching the world go by, and perhaps writing interesting stuff. There are a lot of ideas in my head. The more work I have, the more plotbunnies generate. They hop around inside my mind, nagging me until I put them down on a page, whether it is a blank word document or a piece of paper. Preferably a blank word document; I am fond of the backspace key.

Spring has come at last, but this is when the workload is getting most intense. After my essays, I have exams, and then perhaps I’m free. But until then, I am a slave to academia. Why do I even bother? I don’t particularly care for qualifications. As long as I get into my courses next year, I’m good with it. I have no desire to shine or be lifted above my peers because of my academic achievements. To shine because I write fun stuff is a good thing though; I want to be known as someone who can waffle on about absolutely nothing and still be entertaining.

I have typed a good deal, and all this time, I could have been and should have been working on my essay, but I am just so tired, and I have had enough of it. Perhaps this afternoon at home, but I feel no inclination to open my books, not that I have ever felt the inclination to open academic books. As predicted, novels are an entirely different matter. I have Sense and Sensibility lying beside my pillow at home. I’m actually reading Jane Austen, and to people who know me, the fact that I am reading classic romances is a sign that I’m really tired and sick of everything, and need a change. Perhaps a bout of writing about blowing up cathedrals might cure me.

The mini-philosopher in me.

I just finished my essay, but I’m getting a sense of doom, possibly because I feel that my essay is horrid. It always happens though; I finish a piece of writing (done in a style with which I am not familiar) and I am very insecure about it. I get reassured when others tell me it’s good, or when I get an A (that does not happen most of the time, so I suppose my worries are not over the top, mostly).

I despise academic subcultures. Actually, I despise having to conform to any style. Perhaps that rebel in me is still not tamed, because whenever anyone adamantly argues for one thing, I feel the urge to argue for the opposite side, even though I might not agree with my own arguments. I don’t know why, but I feel really irritated when people are very certain that they are right. It seems to me that no one side is right, although all sides can be wrong, but we don’t see how wrong we are until something goes really badly in our lives, and we have to revise our opinions.

Don’t know what’s gotten into me, because that was really philosophical. Usually, I’m just a ditzy girl who likes to look at pictures of good looking actors and cast them in my stories. Perhaps it’s the influence of Kingdom of Heaven, since I’ve just finished the movie. It makes me wiser and more thoughtful than usual.

Anyway, considering I’ve just finished Kingdom of Heaven, I’m going to write Baldwin V’s coronation scene, and that court drama concerning Guy and Sibylla. Not sure how I missed it last time; I think I was too busy with the creosote bush and a sulky and hot knight.

A Random Bout of Typing.

I’m feeling rather good about myself at the moment. I was not rushing around trying to get everything done this morning, and I wrote a decent amount, so I’m pretty proud of myself, actually, since in the mornings, I’m generally not motivated to do anything. I also finished one essay in the weekend, so that might contribute to my confidence this morning, since I have almost three weeks to work on my other one.

I’m waiting for the university printer to work at the moment. It’s still early, so the room is relatively empty. There are still free computers. Later in the day, it will be very full. I have so many papers in my backpack that it is not funny. I’ll have to sort them out and file them tonight, or else I’ll lose track of everything and I’ll never be able to locate my notes. It takes so much energy to simply make myself do the work though. I’d much rather write about something, as long as it is prose and not something argumentative. Now, that takes far too much energy.

The concrete outside is dark with water. The branches of the trees are skeletal in the pale grey winter light; they are naked, save for a few brown withered leaves still clinging onto them. Very few people are out and about on this cold dreary mrning. I can see two people sitting on a bench, talking and smoking. Well, at least one of them is talking. The other just sits there, staring in front of her as if she is simply part of the landscape.

Waves of hot hair waft from the heater beside me. It gets a bit irritating, actually, but I chose the seat because it was close to the window and because the computer was already on, so I wouldn’t have to wait for it to start up. There is a text that I have to read for this afternoon’s tutorial, right after my class on Islamic history. I don’t feel like reading it, but I know I have to, or else I won’t be able to contribute. However, the remnants of the weekend still stain my mind. I want to make a video for YouTube, or just simply type and let the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard sooth me. It’s almost like meditating. Whenever I just let myself go and simply write or type, it’s like I’ve gone into a trance. Nothing really seems to matter except the sound of the keyboard and the words of the screen, or, if I’m writing with pen and paper, the scratch of the pen, the scribbles, and the texture of the paper.

My eyelids feel heavy, as if I am about to fall asleep again. It must be the warmth of the room, and my relaxed state, because if it was a bit colder, I would be wide awake. Temperature is so important to levels of concentration. I like it a little bit cooler, but everyone else seems to be fine in the warmth. Perhaps I’m used to a colder temperature indoors, since at my place, we hardly ever use heaters, prefering to wear coats indoors.

Perhaps I should stop typing now. My fingers on the keyboard feel good, but the sound and the rhythm are making me sleepy.

Good intentions amount to nothing.

You know, I had every intention of reading my history textbooks and going over my notes today. Knowing me, it didn’t happen. I was too busy reading and replying to my reviews (that was during late morning and early afternoon), and then once again, I’m stuck to the computer screen. It’s just that the internet is so interesting, and I have so many things I can do online, compared with the fairly limited amount of activities I can do offline. But I will do what I’m meant to do tomorrow (who are you kidding, Tel?).

I launched my new story yesterday. These days, my life seems to revolve around my fanfiction and my online social life. My parents keep on telling me that I need to go out more, but real people seem so mundane. I hardly ever find anyone who can talk about the weird things which I’m interested in. My best friend is all the way over in the North Island, so I can’t really talk to her, except through instant messaging. Honestly, the phone bills cost more than if I want to call somewhere far away like Alaska.

There’s this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I should concentrate on my studies, but where is the fun in that? All right, studying gets you money –my scholarships tell me that much– but it’s so boring. All you do is sit there and stare at the page and hope that your sponge-like brain can absorb something and retain it. Let’s face it, most water goes out of the sponge after you take it out of the water. At least my exam marks from last semester weren’t too bad. I didn’t fail anything, so I’m slightly relieved.

All right, I’m just rambling and being boring here, and I haven’t even written in my journal. I’ll go off and do that now. Oh, and I’m feeling a bit hungry. Maybe it’s time to rob the pantry.

Just life, really.

Well, I actually managed to get up in the morning today, and then wasted all the time online. Honestly, I feel as if I am addicted to the internet. The first thing I do when I get up is go on the computer and see who’s online. It’s sad, actually. A lot of time should actually be spent writing. However, I have just finished a story, and I expect to feel melancholic for a while yet. It just feels like that another stage of my life is over, and I’ll never experience the joy of writing that particular story again.

I did read a book, and it was a really funny one too; a chick-lit novel. I’ve become quite fond of those at the moment. Maybe it’s the need to read something silly and lighthearted after reading all those serious history books. My friend’s got his forum up and running, and people are posting things there. It’s quite exciting, and I’ve stolen some ideas from the other forum .

Anyway, I did a paper dump again (to those of you who don’t know, a paper dump is when I dump all my drafts because I’ve finished typing them up. It amounts to quite a lot of paper per week). My desk now looks slightly tidier, but I’ve yet to prepare for the return to my studies. Exam grades come out on Tuesday, and I hate waiting for results. It’s almost worse than doing the exam itself.

This week, I should actually be working on the beginning of the next instalment of my fanfiction series. I’ve got the minor details sorted out, finally. What amazed me was how long it took to find a proper name for a very minor character, and the right Roman emperor. Since it’s only the first week of semester, I don’t expect too much work, so it’ll be quite good for launching the sequel (and even if it was a busy week, I would launch the sequel anyway. I made a promise).

Nothing exciting has happened in my life lately. I’ve even neglected journal writing *gasp*. Once the semester starts, there will be more things to talk about.

I’m feeling lazy. What’s new?

I should be typing up my latest fanfiction chapter at the moment. It’s supposed to be three to four thousand words long, and while I have it all written out by hand, getting it down in electronic form can be a bit of a bother because typing can be rather boring, especially if you are watching out for stupid mistakes. Creative writing is unlike simply blogging or journal writing. You actually have to think, and if your brain is like mine, it sometimes just can’t be bothered. One good thing is that I have the entire storyline figured out (even thought this is actually no big deal because there are only two chapters left to go, including this one). I think I have the situation under control. The same cannot be said of the sequel, but that’s part of the fun of creative writing, I guess. To quote Bilbo Baggins, ‘you step out onto the road, and if you don’t watch your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to’, or something along those lines anyway. Everything in writing is quite unexpected; it is for me at least. That’s why I don’t like planning anything beyond a very vague outline. Too much planning ruins the element of surprise which makes being a writer exciting.

 

Onto other things. My parents and I were discussing private schools this morning. I myself was educated in a state school, and from what I can see, there is no difference between a private school and a state school. The same curriculum is taught (the Ministry of Education sets that) and in fact, the only thing which makes a private school a private school is the ridiculous cost. Their uniforms are more complicated and more expensive, the fees are very high. I feel that sending kids to private school isn’t really a good thing for them; it does, however, boost the parents’ ego to see their children in a ‘posh upper class school’ or whatnot. I find that quite objectionable, especially since these people seem to think that people who attend private schools are somehow more cultured than those who go to state schools.

 

The most important thing about a school is actually the quality of teachers. I have to say I have not been too impressed by the quality of many teachers whom I have encountered. Some of them seem to think that their job is to intimidate students. Others just sit in the classroom and make sure that the students are not burning down school buildings. Hardly any of them teach, and of the small minority who do teach, not very many try to make the experience enjoyable for the students. I’m not quite sure what most of them are being paid for. I remember sitting in a math class, and not being able to keep my eyes open because a) the light was at optimum sleep level and b) we were only copying notes from overhead slides which were so old that the writing on them was blurry and the plastic was yellowish. The writing was also in cursive and illegible. The only thing I learnt in math was how to draw, because I had nothing else to do.

 

Elementary/primary school was even worse. Not only did I not learn anything, I lost self-esteem. (that was covered in the post ‘Rub it in their faces’). Those teachers were a waste of time, waste of money. They did do a lot of successful advertising because almost everyone felt they were working hard. I don’t see what’s so hard about photocopying numerous worksheets and then handing them out, or taking the students out for a run each day. The work wasn’t even marked, so naturally, I had no incentive to do it. Besides, it was completely boring, and there was no point in doing about a hundred sums per day when you did not even get to know whether you got them right or not.

Exams, doom; what is the difference?

I guess I should be studying, since I have an exam in less than two days. But I’m really not in the mood. It’s Sunday, and I feel like lazing around, reading novels and generally not doing anything useful. There isn’t really much to talk about, considering I’m not in the mood for writing good prose, nor am I actually doing something interesting at the moment. I’m still involved in that political debate, except Tibet has totally gone out of the picture. Who would’ve thought that one little comment on YouTube would lead to a huge long discussion about the nature of the Chinese government? I doubt that many of the people whom I debate with realize that I am not yet twenty. They talk as if I should know about all the ‘-isms’ which supposedly academic people tend to allude to, although my history professor did say that ‘isms’ ought to be used very carefully, because they are often stereotypical and vague, encompassing a large variation of definitions.

I have gone on Fanfiction.net and given some constuctive criticism (or ‘concrit’ as it is known as on that site). Not much though. Recently, I have not been in the mood, preferring to laugh about bad writing. Maybe I need something to lighten the sombre mood of someone who is about to meet their doom. Exams are very daunting after all, especially when you realize that it is impossible to finish them, or some of them anyway. I’m looking forward to when they are over, so that I can just relax and forget about them. Halfway throughout the actual exam itself, I just stop caring, and concentrate on doing as much as I can in the time that I have left. That was what happened during my Medieval history exam anyway.

A Rant

What should I write today? By rights, I shouldn’t even be writing. I have an exam tomorrow and I should be studying, but oh well, procrastination is my specialty. I’ve been lurking around the forums this evening, trying to guage people’s characters. I’ve given up waiting for a reply from my friend’s enemy, the one who has condemned me by association. (I’ll call her C, for convenience. I don’t like mentioning names)

I sent her this completely diplomatic reply saying I wasn’t interested in her grudges against my friend (whom I’ll call B, again, for convenience), but she’s free to discuss my inadequacies. Either she’s not interested in arguing with me about me (which was our original topic) or she can’t think of anything to say to that. At any rate, it doesn’t show C in good light, especially since she’s been saying nasty things on other forums about B and my other pals. However, I haven’t been mentioned, so I really shouldn’t be caring, even though I do care. I’m loyal to my friends, and I’m protective in a way. She’s been downright horrid to some of my other friends from B’s forum. I guess I can safely say she’s the first person I’ve ever labelled a b*tch, except then I’ll feel guilty because female canines don’t deserve this sort of association.

Anyway, that was a whiny feminine rant. My life is boring, and I have no social life Everything is centred around the academics at the moment. Exams suck. I don’t think they’re accurate tests for how much a person actually knows. I mean, I’m all right when it comes to pressure and working under pressure (most of the time) but some people just can’t deal with it, and while they might be utterly brilliant, they just lose their ability to process information under pressure. That’s rather unfair to them because people whose brains are equipped to deal with this sort of pressure get better results than the truly brilliant ones.

 

Imposing political ideologies.

I was walking around the university today (actually, looking for the computer shop on campus so I could buy software which my brother needed) when I was intercepted by two chinese women (one young, one old) handing out fliers. I didn’t really know what it was about but I thought I’d take a flier and then be done with it, but they greeted me in Chinese, asking me whether I was Chinese. This led to an odd thought. What if I hadn’t been Chinese? What if I’d been Korean or something else? Just because I am Asian doesn’t mean I am Chinese. Well, anyway, that’s going off on a complete tangent. The exchange went something like this.

Them: “Are you Chinese?”

Me: “Yes I am.”

Them: “Oh, then you must take this [hands me sheets printed in Chinese] and this newspaper [hands me newspaper in Chinese].”

Me: “Um, I can’t read Chinese.”

Them: “Oh. [hands me English flier]“

Them: “Read that. It’s very very important.”

Me: “Um, okay.”

An unusual day, to say the least

Well, I’m having a weird day. I don’t know if it’s bad or not. Firstly, I received a review which I did not expect. It was not the content which surprised me, but the sender, who is enemies with one of my online friends. I don’t want to fall into the trap of ‘the enemy of my friend is my enemy’ because I want to be able to judge for myself. However, since it’s online, and people have alter-egos, it’s really hard to tell.

My calf muscles are aching because I exercised too much yesterday. I was stupid, because there wasn’t enough hot water, and I knew that if I got myself hot enough, I wouldn’t fear the cold so hence, I did a heck of a lot of exercise. I guess it’s a reminder to exercise regularly, and not binge at certain periods.

And I studied. Actually studied. It is so unrealistic that I can’t really believe it myself. Okay, so I was also eating lunch while I was studying. But I did take notes, and I’ve almost finished notes on the whole subject of Papal power during the Middle Ages, well finished as much as I need to know for the exams. Then there’s the Crusades, and I’m going to do all of the first three. And then I’ve got to do the Normans; that’s one topic I don’t know well.

So yeah, in between studying, slacking, writing and sleeping, I don’t really have much time left over for exercise. And no, slacking is not something which I can avoid doing. It’s an intrinsic part of being me.