China’s sexist culture – from the point of view of a Chinese girl

There seem to be a lot of excuses for the blatant sexism in Chinese society. “It’s the government’s fault.” “Men do more work and therefore deserve more respect.” “Women want it.” “It’s right; Confucius (a man) said so.” Et cetera, et cetera.

While I do not claim to speak for all Chinese women, I also believe that I am not the only one of my kind; the kind who thinks that all of the above excuses are total bullshit. The sexism in Chinese society cannot be blamed on anything other than Chinese society, culture, and tradition. The medieval west was sexist, but in some cases, they almost seemed enlightened compared with what some Chinese believe.

I shall explore the manifestations of Chinese sexism in three parts because I think it warrants some scrutiny. One cannot counter something if one does not understand it.

Sexism in Chinese familial structure

In the medieval west, both women and men had their places in family trees. We know that the mother of Baldwin IV of Jerusalem was Agnes de Courtenay. She wasn’t a particularly important woman, having never been queen, but we know her name because she was the mother of a king. And we know that Balian of Ibelin’s mother’s name was Helvis de Ramlah because she was also an important part of the family’s heritage. In China, only the males are recorded in family trees. When my brother was born, a huge fuss was made because he was the son of an only son, and therefore, he was the one who would continue this branch of the family. Never mind that he had an older sister. His name will go in the family tree. My name will not. Once again, going back to Balian of Ibelin, we know that he had two sons and two daughters, and that his daughter Helvis was his firstborn. If we go back to his Chinese contemporaries, we will find out their sons’ names and their father’s names, but not the names of their mothers, wives or daughters. If this exclusion of women from family trees isn’t called sexism, then what constitutes as sexism?

One’s paternal relatives are considered to be more closely related and more important. In the olden days, it was considered perfectly acceptable and ideal to marry one’s mother’s sister’s child, but highly unacceptable to marry one’s father’s brother’s child. In the Chinese language, cousins on one’s paternal side, so long as they share the same surname, are referred to as one’s brothers or sisters. The cousins on one’s maternal side are known as cousins. It still happens in the modern age. Chinese regard the western tendency to call all cousins ‘cousins’ as highly irrational, confusing and disorderly. This shows a blatant preference for the paternal side of the family, once again stressing the masculine link as the more important familial link. Genetically speaking, one receives equal amounts of DNA from both parents, and yet the mother’s bloodline is considered to be of secondary importance. I would think this is sexism.

If you’ve read Jane Austen, then you’ll probably remember how the girls get a set sum of money as their inheritance whilst the boys get whatever estates, investments etc. that their fathers had. It might seem like an awfully unfair way of distributing parental wealth, but that’s fairer than Chinese custom, in which sons get everything and daughters get nothing. That’s what happened to my grandfather’s earthly belongings. It’s not that he didn’t love his daughters; he loved them very much. Rather, it’s got something to do with the fact that once women are married, and women are expected to get married, they technically cease to be part of their natal family. It still happens to this day and age, although I am sensing some changes.

There is an old saying that before she marries, a woman must obey her father. After she marries, she must obey her husband. And after she is widowed, she must obey her son. Therefore, it was expected that in her whole life, a woman would obey a man. In the modern era, this notion of obeisance, at least towards one’s son, seems to have faded out somewhat, but the idea that a woman should obey men still exists. I refuse to believe that all Chinese women want this, that the government would promote this (it’s not good for them, really, because women are quite capable of paying taxes if they work) or that it has anything to do with men being smarter and better than women (because psychological research has shown that men are, in fact, not superior to women).