When I was eleven, I realized I was living in a social heirarchy; one which had been passed down from generation to generation ever since the time of the ancients. And I hated it. As a girl, growing up in a rather traditional Chinese family, I came to realize that respect is dealt out according to age, gender and status. Being of the younger generation, and a female, I was looked down upon. There were so many things that I couldn’t do. Swearing, or even talking in a less than ‘lady-like’ manner was a no-no. I wasn’t even allowed to say ‘Ew’ because it sounded similar to some cuss word in Cantonese. Women’s business was kept in the dark. Once my father saw sanitary pads in the bags of shopping, and then he did something which equated to making the sign against the evil eye in the Middle Ages. When he saw those, he said “Good fortune be on us!” I told him off soundly for that. Father or not, he had no right to hold the view that women were somehow lesser than men. It’s the twenty-first century! If not for us women and our menstrual cycles, there would be no more homo sapiens sapiens.
Perhaps this blatant male chauvinism is something which draws me to the Crusades. During that period, there were a lot of strong woman. Most famous of them all, Eleanor of Aquitaine, mother of Richard I of England. If not for her, England would’ve been in shambles, and Henry II wouldn’t have been quite so powerful either. Then there was Eschiva of Tiberias, who defended her castle against Saladin’s attacks, knowing that her husband would not willingly send troops to rescue her, no matter how much he loved her. (Raymond of Tripoli is also a character I’m quite fond of. He loved his stepsons, and his wife. That’s not really normal for a man of his time.) Even Sibylla of Jerusalem, although foolish, was a strong woman, because she braved the anger of the nobles to marry the man she loved. Subsequently, that led to the downfall of her kingdom, but that’s beside the point.
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As a member of the younger generation, I could not speak out of turn, although that as a rule I broke often, and for my pains, I would be told ‘not to mind the business of adults’ when obviously, I knew what was right and wrong. And legally, I was an adult, just not of the right generation. I had to respect my elders simply because they were older, and not because they had done anything to merit my respect and admiration. Of course, I’m not that sort of obedient perfect daughter. These unfair expectations made me angry, and certainly did not improve my view of the male gender.
The thing was, when I talked to other adults, not Chinese, they didn’t seem to have this sort of heirarchical system. I was able to have proper discussions, and they would listen to my ideas. Whether they accepted them or not was another matter, but at least they listened.
This social heirarchy is one of the things which I feel is wrong in Chinese culture. Respect is all very well, but I believe that respect and status needs to be earned, not expected, as it seems to be with a lot of Chinese adults.
