With You, I’ll Be Only Sibylla (Part 5)

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, the plot, or anything. All of Kingdom of Heaven belongs to Sir Ridley Scott and William Monahan, and History.

 

Warning: Implications of adult themes

Chapter 5: The World Will Decide

 

Sibylla lay awake, staring into the darkness. Beside her, Balian lay slumbering, his chest rising and falling with deep even breaths. The sheets were twisted from their lovemaking. The princess’ hair lay loose on the pillow. She glanced outside. A full moon had risen; pale, round, perfect, save for the darker smudges which marked its face. It was like the all-seeing eye of God.

 

What had she done? She’d committed adultery with a man she hardly knew. And yet, she knew very well that she loved him. How else could she explain her feelings? His very presence warmed her heart. He made her feel cherished, precious. He made her feel human, instead of just a figurehead or a pawn which was to be used in the struggle for power. Balian cared nothing for the power which a relationship with her would bring. She knew he loved her, even though he’d never told her.

A Matter of Faith

I believe in God. I don’t believe in the Church, but I believe in God. I believe that He is part of us, and we are part of Him. It’s like being a drop of water in the ocean. We are the drops of water. God is the ocean; water, fish, seaweed and all. Some people don’t believe that He exists. They say that they have not seen Him. But if we need to see Him to believe, then what use is there for faith?

In fact, I can see God everywhere. Whenever I have exams, I get these brilliant ideas which I know I have not read and cannot possibly have thought up during any other situations. That’s when God manifests Himself. When I was at my lowest and most depressed point, God arranged for me to see a film which changed the way I saw religion, life and myself. God was the one who subtly guided me into studying the Crusades and the history of Christianity, allowing me to trace the customs of the Church and to decide what was important/right and what was not.

God has a sense of humour, or else, I wouldn’t be writing crazy jokes which just simply come while I’m typing or writing. Whenever I write, I know he’s there, giving me ideas, inspiring me. I believe he has given me a purpose, and that is to tell stories and make people laugh and think.

And to believe in God is a beautiful thing. It shows us that we’re not alone. When life gets a bit too tough, and you can’t see the light at the end of the road, believers can put their trust in God and all of a sudden, it doesn’t feel so lonely, and the path is less dark. You know that you’ll be fine, and death isn’t really that scary at all because there’s someone who loves you waiting for you at the other side. And you know that if God decides to call you home, there’s nothing you can do to forestall that. If He thinks it’s not time for you to go home, then there’s nothing to send you there. There have been times in my life when things have overwhelmed me, and I’ve felt that life was impossible. I just stopped worrying, put fate in God’s hands and concentrated specifically on the one thing that I needed to do at that moment. It ended up all right. I wasn’t a failure.

I don’t believe in institutionalized religion, the place of clerics, canon laws. The Bible is simply a book of myths and symbols. I think the gospels must have some mistakes in them since they were written some years afterwards. I don’t believe in remembering the Nicene Creed set forth by the emperor Constantine. I don’t believe in the necessity of the sacrament of Reconciliation, something made compulsory by Pope Innocent III in the thirteenth century. I don’t even think the Eucharist is necessary if you are truly a believer. I think that religion doesn’t matter if you are a good person.

However, I do believe in God, and I feel that’s enough.

An unusual day, to say the least

Well, I’m having a weird day. I don’t know if it’s bad or not. Firstly, I received a review which I did not expect. It was not the content which surprised me, but the sender, who is enemies with one of my online friends. I don’t want to fall into the trap of ‘the enemy of my friend is my enemy’ because I want to be able to judge for myself. However, since it’s online, and people have alter-egos, it’s really hard to tell.

My calf muscles are aching because I exercised too much yesterday. I was stupid, because there wasn’t enough hot water, and I knew that if I got myself hot enough, I wouldn’t fear the cold so hence, I did a heck of a lot of exercise. I guess it’s a reminder to exercise regularly, and not binge at certain periods.

And I studied. Actually studied. It is so unrealistic that I can’t really believe it myself. Okay, so I was also eating lunch while I was studying. But I did take notes, and I’ve almost finished notes on the whole subject of Papal power during the Middle Ages, well finished as much as I need to know for the exams. Then there’s the Crusades, and I’m going to do all of the first three. And then I’ve got to do the Normans; that’s one topic I don’t know well.

So yeah, in between studying, slacking, writing and sleeping, I don’t really have much time left over for exercise. And no, slacking is not something which I can avoid doing. It’s an intrinsic part of being me.

On the Social Heirarchy

When I was eleven, I realized I was living in a social heirarchy; one which had been passed down from generation to generation ever since the time of the ancients. And I hated it. As a girl, growing up in a rather traditional Chinese family, I came to realize that respect is dealt out according to age, gender and status. Being of the younger generation, and a female, I was looked down upon. There were so many things that I couldn’t do. Swearing, or even talking in a less than ‘lady-like’ manner was a no-no. I wasn’t even allowed to say ‘Ew’ because it sounded similar to some cuss word in Cantonese. Women’s business was kept in the dark. Once my father saw sanitary pads in the bags of shopping, and then he did something which equated to making the sign against the evil eye in the Middle Ages. When he saw those, he said “Good fortune be on us!” I told him off soundly for that. Father or not, he had no right to hold the view that women were somehow lesser than men. It’s the twenty-first century! If not for us women and our menstrual cycles, there would be no more homo sapiens sapiens.

Perhaps this blatant male chauvinism is something which draws me to the Crusades. During that period, there were a lot of strong woman. Most famous of them all, Eleanor of Aquitaine, mother of Richard I of England. If not for her, England would’ve been in shambles, and Henry II wouldn’t have been quite so powerful either. Then there was Eschiva of Tiberias, who defended her castle against Saladin’s attacks, knowing that her husband would not willingly send troops to rescue her, no matter how much he loved her. (Raymond of Tripoli is also a character I’m quite fond of. He loved his stepsons, and his wife. That’s not really normal for a man of his time.) Even Sibylla of Jerusalem, although foolish, was a strong woman, because she braved the anger of the nobles to marry the man she loved. Subsequently, that led to the downfall of her kingdom, but that’s beside the point.

***

As a member of the younger generation, I could not speak out of turn, although that as a rule I broke often, and for my pains, I would be told ‘not to mind the business of adults’ when obviously, I knew what was right and wrong. And legally, I was an adult, just not of the right generation. I had to respect my elders simply because they were older, and not because they had done anything to merit my respect and admiration. Of course, I’m not that sort of obedient perfect daughter. These unfair expectations made me angry, and certainly did not improve my view of the male gender.

The thing was, when I talked to other adults, not Chinese, they didn’t seem to have this sort of heirarchical system. I was able to have proper discussions, and they would listen to my ideas. Whether they accepted them or not was another matter, but at least they listened.

This social heirarchy is one of the things which I feel is wrong in Chinese culture. Respect is all very well, but I believe that respect and status needs to be earned, not expected, as it seems to be with a lot of Chinese adults.

On Fiction Writing (Guidelines only)

This is a companion piece to On Writing Good Crossover Fanfiction but it applies to more general fiction.

Technicalities

Grammar and spelling may be annoying, but they’re essential parts of good writing. Bad grammar and spelling detracts from the flow of your piece. And don’t just rely on spellcheck. Sometimes, it doesn’t work, and especially not for grammar. It’s only good for indicating things that you need to change, but the suggestions are not always reliable.

Tip: Reading books is a good way to go about improving spelling, grammar and vocabulary. You don’t have to read what is termed ’serious literature’. For me, anything that’s published is good enough.

I suppose style would be included under technicalities. Don’t try to use big words if you don’t normally use them. That just makes the writing sound awkward and forced. Be natural. Use your own voice. Mine tends to be sarcastic or frivolous, depending on my mood. Write like you talk; just correct the grammatical mistakes.

Prior Preparation

As with everything else, writing a piece of fiction requires that you know something about the subject which you want to write about. However, I don’t believe in the ‘write what you know’ mantra. If everyone stuck to that, there would be no Tolkien, no Harry Potter, no Pirates of the Caribbean. A better way to describe it is ‘write what you believe you understand’. Anything that your knowledge is a bit fuzzy on, you can fill in with your own imagination.

For example, I want to write Historical Fantasy, so I research the period in which I want to set my story, and I figure out how things differed from the modern world. Understanding the setting is very important, because then you can shape characters which are compatible with the setting.

Plot

I once went to a writing class, and the tutor said that plot is basically this: ’A character wants something, but there’s an obstacle. How will the character overcome the obstacle to get what s/he wants?’ It’s your job, as the writer, to throw in interesting obstacles for the characters to overcome. And they can’t be too easy either, or else the story wouldn’t be exciting.

Characters

I find that creating realistic likeable characters the most difficult part of writing anything. Once you’ve got your characters sussed, you’re basically halfway towards success. A character cannot be flawless, or else he/she wouldn’t be human. For me, the best way to create characters is to visualize someone in my head. I usually base my characters on historical figures or actors. People watching is a good way to get idea for characters. Everyone speaks, moves and reacts differently. You gather a variety of these characteristics, mix them up to form realistic, likeable (or in the case of the villain, depicable) behaviour sets, and voila! You have a character. That’s harder than it sounds, by the way. I still haven’t been too successful in creating my own original protagonist.

Ways to go about writing

When I write, I tend to visualize a film in my head. A film is more than just images and dialogue. It has different angles to show different perspectives, and lighting and music to show the atmosphere. Every scene that I write has its own accompanying soundtrack and therefore, I find it very useful to have music which will go with the film in my head while I’m writing. My favourites at the moment are from actual film soundtracks and music by Immediate Music.

A comfortable work station is important. You don’t want anything distracting you from your work. I either work in my room with the door closed and the music on, or I write on the computer early in the morning when the sky is dark, and the house is quiet because everyone’s asleep. Hot chocolate or one of those creamy coffees make good imagination boosters.

Sometimes, when I get Writer’s Block, I find that changing the writing materials help. Lately, I’ve been writing on the computer only because I couldn’t do it on paper with pencil or pen. However, my essays have been written by hand because I couldn’t write them on the computer. I’m not sure how that works, but that’s how it is with me. Not everyone’s the same.

 

 

With You, I’ll Be Only Sibylla (Part 4)

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters. They all belong to the creators of the movie, Kingdom of Heaven, and God.

Warning: Implications of adult content

Chapter 4: There is Only Light

 

The rooms were simple, with only basic furnishing. Godfrey had not been a man for ornamentation, and his son was even less so. Sibylla smiled as she took in her rooms. Balian had given her the master suite. The lack of decoration was a refreshing change. There was no clutter here, no dark secrets. Ibelin was an innocent, just like its master. She had her maids bring in flowers to freshen the air. The room itself smelled of a man; of sweat, dust and masculine musk.

 

Youmna helped her to change out of her dusty travelling gown. Curtains were drawn around the balcony, veiling the princess from prying eyes as she bathed. Sibylla watched her maids bustling about, rearranging things to her tastes. Balian had said that they could do whatever they wanted with this suite. She sat with her feet in a basin of water with rose oil floating on the surface, forming a swirling rainbow. The sound of work and construction filtered in from outside; shouts of men, speaking both in Arabic and Latin. Sibylla stood. Making sure that her towel was wrapped securely around her naked body, she stepped over to the hand-carved windows, leaving a trail of wet footprints in her wake. 

On Writing Good Crossover Fanfiction (Guidelines only)

Well, considering I’m in the middle of writing my third mass crossover fanfic, and am planning a fourth, I thought I would discuss this topic.

Crossover fanfiction–it’s not original, it’s not popular, but it’s been done multiple times. The question I want to ask is, why is it not popular? I mean, putting two stories together, and I presume that these two stories have their own fanbases, what’s not to like? The fact is, there are a number of things that can go wrong.

Prior Preparation

Yes, you have to prepare before you can actually start writing the crossover. Before I wrote mine, I’d seen the Lord of the Rings movies about fifty-two times (the theatrical versions and extended versions) and I’d seen Kingdom of Heaven about fifteen times (theatrical and director’s cut). I’d done a literature research for school on the two texts, focusing mainly on Balian’s psychological growth, and how Legolas and Gimli learnt to accept each other and become friends. I’d also read the LotR books a few times, and done some reading on the Crusades. To write a crossover, you need to know the character very well so you can write how they deal with being thrown into this bizarre situation. You also need to do some research about the characters’ backgrounds, and think about how this would affect them as people.

Characterization

I cannot stress how important this is. People only read crossovers because they’re interested in those characters, and how they will react in this entirely strange situation. They want to see the characters they know and love, not people who share the same names and nothing else. You need to be able to describe things in relation to the character’s experiences. For example, Balian compares everything in Middle Earth to his village in France and the Holy Land, because those are the things he knows. If I’d had, say, a Roman soldier in Middle Earth, he’d be comparing everything to Roman things.

Tip: I suggest sticking to the original canon plots as much as possible, and only changing what you really need to change. However, you have to take into account the fact that because you’ve merged these two or more stories, the plot is definitely going to change. The visitors should not change the plot too much though. A good way to prevent this is instead of having them as the centre of everyone’s attention, have them on the periphery, and then tell everything from their point of view. That allows you to step into their shoes. Also, research their background and the sort of world they come from. If it’s a modern insert, then you probably can use your own experiences, but remember, if you’re trying to do period pieces, people are going to think differently from the average modern day person. Research is everything, and anything that research doesn’t answer, you can fill in with your own imagination.  

The Plot

This is much easier. For my first crossover, I just followed the plot of Lord of the Rings, with an extra character or two. Sometimes, the characters want to do one thing but you want them to do something else. Go with the characters. They know what’s best for your story. Your job is to write down what they think they ought to do, and throw in some random events so they can have a reaction. I suggest not changing any of the outcomes of the original story, if you’re following a canon plot. You can take a slight detour — in fact, that is encouraged.

Use of movie/book dialogue

Sometimes, it’s impossible not to use lines from the movie or book, but try to keep it to a minimum, since if your readers want to read a rehash, they can just search out the script. And I suggest you add your own commentary if you have to use the movie lines. If you don’t think you can do the characters justice with your own dialogue, then perhaps you shouldn’t be writing the story at all, since you don’t know the characters well enough. Do not, and I stress this, do not write out the script and then insert a few lines about your other character here and there. It doesn’t work.

Of Ditzy Days and Student Life

I can’t say today was my best day. It started out pretty well, with handing in my second-to-last essay, a history lecture, and then shopping. I bought myself a proper Moleskine notebook, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl DVD.

And then I got lost on the bus route, waited at some strange bus-stop for half an hour, and then caught the same bus back. This time I kept my eyes open. I totally missed my destination (the university) the first time, because it was the other side of campus, and me, being half-blind, with no orientation skills, couldn’t recognize it. So that was about an hour and a bit. I came back to campus, and tried to study, but even with the caffeine pumping through my system from the coffee I had just before, I still managed to fall into a stupor while studying speech anatomy. I have to say flicking through notes is extremely annoying, especially since I have to keep referring back to diagrams which are somehow separate from all the written stuff. Definitely prefer history. The only way to study speech anatomy without falling asleep is to have loud music and a hot drink, preferably caffeinated. Too bad my mp3 player is broken.

I have an interesting new fanfiction idea. This morning, the history lecturer showed us a video about the story behind the cathedral of Chartres. It was during and around the Kingdom of Heaven period, and the architect is unknown, so there is great mystery surrounding him. Since in the movie, Balian returned to France, I was thinking of having him be the mysterious architect, since he’s an engineer, he’s smart and he’s quite innovative. I would think he was a pretty good mathematician for his day as well. It would be an effective disguise for the defender of Jerusalem. No one would be expecting him to build cathedrals, I don’t think. I’m adding it to my growing list of fanfiction story ideas. And at the same time, the Albigensian Crusade is taking place. I could have him take part, and try and save some of the Cathars. Don’t even know if I’ll get around to writing it, but putting Balian in all of these fascinating situations in history certainly does help me to learn it.

Without Words

It’s not usual that a writer is without words, but that’s how I feel today. I don’t know why I feel that way. Perhaps I need caffeine, or fresh air, or both. Or I might simply be too tired, and need a fountain pen instead of a keyboard. A change of medium often helps writing. I need something old fashioned today.

This morning, I received a message about a flame (a bad comment about someone’s fanfiction) and when I checked, I found it was the infamous Flame Rising. The thing is, I came across two of his flames today, and they were both exactly the same. That disappointed me somewhat. After hearing all these things about him, his flames were not humourous, original, or at all skilled. I didn’t laugh at his flames the way I’ve laughed at some other flames. Well, I did grimace at his flame(s). 

I myself don’t flame — I write harsh constructive criticism. That’s different. And each one is different. That might mean I won’t get around to doing as many people, but I like to think that I can offer them suggestions and give them something to think about. Mostly I pick on grammar and spelling and the like.

And the truth is, writing is a tough job. I once had my writing ripped to pieces –figuratively– by my English teacher in front of the whole class. It wasn’t pleasant, but it taught me something, although in general, it was more an attitude thing than a technical thing. I still write in the condemned genre (epic historical fantasy) but I’ve learned to accept criticism and think about it. That’s very important for a writer because like the way a parent sees their children, a writer’s work will always be good and dear to them, no matter how bad it is. Being criticized like that allowed me to see my work from someone else’s point of view, and therefore I can improve — well, I hope I have improved over the years. My writing certainly sounds different from what it was two years ago.

To believe in the supernatural

So, erm, *cough cough* I should be working, but I’m not. I’m just playing around on the computer, feeling the need to type, but having nothing specific to type. I did write over one thousand words this morning for my latest chapter of Chance Encounter: Return to Middle Earth, so that’s pretty good. I couldn’t find anything particularly interesting to put in my journal, but what’s new? There is never anything very interesting to write first thing in the morning, especially Monday morning.

It occurred to me as I was sitting in my Medieval European History lecture that modern society views science the way Europeans in the Middle Ages viewed Christianity. Science in our world is unchallenged; it is everything, and if it’s not scientific, then it’s probably not worth seeing/listening to. But I must say that I want to believe that there are things which are outside scientific theory. I want to believe in the supernatural, because that way, the world would be so much more interesting. Instead of learning the laws of physics (which bore me to death), I would probably be studying the supernatural.

The problem is that everything has to make sense. For a fantasy writer, it gets very very frustrating when people say ‘it’s just fantasy. It doesn’t make any sense’. That’s the attitude my dad has towards what I write, and it annoys the hell out of me. He thinks that writing fantasy is a total piece of cake because everything goes. It doesn’t work like that. Writing fantasy is about establishing a world with a different set of rules, and following those rules. It’s actually more difficult than real life because in life, you know those rules whereas in fantasy, those rules haven’t been drilled into you so it’s easier to make mistakes.  

So now, I’m missing linguistics again. It’s a relief, actually, to not have to fall asleep in class. I should be working on my essay plan at the moment, but I feel the resolute and unyielding need to procrastinate. Maybe it’s because it’s Monday, and also possibly because the essay is not related to the year 1187.

All under control…or so I thought

You know those days when you wake up, and you think you know exactly what you’re going to do with your day, and everything that’s going to happen, and it doesn’t end up that way? Well, that was my day. I’d planned to study those subjects for which I’d missed classes, and maybe read a bit. At first it was all right. I checked my email, I studied linguistics for one hour and absorbed the needed information. I then spent the rest of the afternoon reading P.S. I Love You, which is a very sad but sweet book by the way. So far, so good. However, what I did not count on was Indiana Jones being on at seven-thirty, and I watched that until ten. My mood for studying was broken, so I looked over my notes for speech anatomy for about ten minutes, and then went online, because I was so very bored. And thus, I’m here now, typing about my not-so-spectacular day.

It really goes to show that no matter how well you plan, there’s always something there to thwart your plans. And it’s the same with writing. I can plan my stories all I want, but when it comes to writing it down, the characters decide that they don’t like what I’ve planned, and at their whim, I’m off on a tangent. So far, I’ve found that it’s best just to go along with the characters, and see what they come up with. Some days, they want a break, and that’s those are the hardest days, because I have to be the one who pushes the plot along, and it sounds a bit forced, even tedious. The main thing is to keep writing though. After a while my muses and characters take pity on me, and they take over the story again.

Of boring lecturers and Islamic kings of England

Once again, I have to go to class in forty minutes, but I really have no desire to do that. I spent the hour of linguistics lecture taking notes for my other history essay. History lectures are still my favourite. I think the enthusiasm of the lecturer about the subject really does do something for the listeners. Out of all my subjects, only the History teachers seem to love what they teach, and even the dullest of them can keep me interested, and I don’t go to sleep during their lectures.

I don’t think the lecturer for Communications Disorders – the anatomy and physiology of speech really cares much about the subject. If she did, her lectures wouldn’t sound like a speech sample which a speech and language pathologist needs to analyze. When she lectures, it sounds something like ‘And these are the…errr…erm…uh…hell [hair] cells…and they have…erm…cilia coming out-coming out of them which…err…pu-ushes the…erm…erm…mu-mucus up.’

She sounds like she has a communication disorder, and her pronunciation of words really annoys me. There is no way in the world I can link the word ‘hair’ to ‘hell’ and yet, she can make that mistake. Her grammatical mistakes are also constant. I wouldn’t notice it much if she spoke slightly more fluently, but I think she needs to get treatment for her speech disfluencies, or else she just needs to prepare her lectures a bit more. I’m not going to bother going today. I need to do my research for my essay, and am too busy to sleep in class. Not that I need treatment for insomnia.

The Medieval History lecture was interesting today. I learnt that King John of England (Lionheart’s brother) once threatened to become Muslim, which was pretty funny, considering his older brother was a Crusader. He didn’t mean it, of course (he would make a horrid Muslim) but the Pope didn’t really appreciate his sense of humour.

It’s now almost the end of lunchtime. I’m debating whether I should get a large or small coffee. Caffeine tends to help me to concentrate on my work (as opposed to falling asleep on top of it). Ah, stuff it, I’ll go into caffeine withdrawal in the weekend. It doesn’t really matter since I don’t have lessons. I just want to be able to finish researching the Revolutions of 1848 so I can start drafting the essay.

I’m just bored.

Yeah, what the title says. I’m bored, with half an hour till class, and I really don’t feel like studying at the moment. Maybe I’ll go grab a coffee sometime soon, like before class, because in this class, there is no time to be bored, but I’d rather have nice creamy coffee at home. That’s fattening, but I can’t care less at the moment. I’ve been traipsing all over the campus in high-heel boots. The feet are not feeling so good. Ah, stuff it, I’m going to get coffee. If I didn’t have to study, caffeine withdrawal wouldn’t really matter, but I do have to study, coz the exams are really soon. So yeah, I’ll just get my caffeine dose, and then go into self-rehab during the break. Coz that’s my life, y’know; it revolves around writing, coffee, food, movies and studying.